im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
