No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I currently don't understand fingers.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
