He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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