I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
