Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
