I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
