I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
