mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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