No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
