what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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