I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
