I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
this will be a night to untag.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
