You're so nebulous sometimes
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
