I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
