God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
