true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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