OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
