Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
