My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
