Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
