My friends, they love my intelligence
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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