I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
