Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
