K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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