My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
