my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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