$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
