I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
