She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
