Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
the condom got lost in my hair
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
