Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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