Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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