The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
