My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
