capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
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