So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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