I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
