He uses pillows to masturbate.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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