you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
