thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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