bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
