this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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