dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
