The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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