I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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