Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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