you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
