he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
