Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
