I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
