Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
