I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
