yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
