so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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