I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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