Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
