I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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