gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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