Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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