Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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