All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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