When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
